Did you know that we all have different ways through which we give and recognize love? So when you’re in a relationship where you’re not feeling loved, it’s possible that your partner simply isn’t showing his affection in a way that you recognize. Basically, you may both be speaking different love languages.
What’s your love language? When you and your partner understand what makes you feel loved, it can make your relationship better. You both focus your energy on doing things the other person will notice. Author Gary Chapman breaks down all of these issues in his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
Chapman gave a very detailed analysis on how to define your love language and also communicate it to your partner. While he did share a lot of important advice and tips in his book, below is a summary of the five common languages and what they mean.
1. Words of affirmation
This means you feel the most loved when your partner uses words that validate you. For example, you’re the type to derive joy from compliments, words of admiration, appreciation etc. it matters to you that you and your partner verbally connect.
2. Quality time
If this is your love language, it means you value the time spent with your partner. You are unlikely to feel loved if he does not dedicate his time to you. It doesn’t matter where you are, you want to be with him as much as possible.
3. Receiving gifts
You feel loved when your partner gives you thoughtful presents. It’s not about items of luxury. As long as he gives you something that makes you feel special, you’re happy.
4. Physical touch
You revel in regular hugs and kisses. You feel unloved when he refuses your sexual advances, for instance, and you are unhappy if he does not initiate physical contact.
5. Acts of service
Those with this as their love language usually feel loved when their partner does something for them. It could be as simple as fixing your light bulb or helping you with your laundry. You notice these actions by your partner and interpret them as his love for you.
Keep in mind that it’s possible for you to be a little bit of two or more love languages. However, we all have one primary one – the one without which we feel undesired and unloved.
How it can transform your relationship
If, for example, your partner shows his love for you through acts of service but your love language is physical touch, there will be trouble. His love language is probably acts of service as well and he’s not so touchy-feely. At the end of the day, you both love each other but you’re still unhappy.
All you need to do in this case is to communicate and recognize each other’s love language. Once you do that, you start giving love, not just by your own definition, but also in a language he understands. So, he puts more effort into physical connection while you can show how much you love him by your acts of service.
It sounds pretty easy, and it is. As long as you’re ready to talk about these love languages with your partner and honestly disclose what you both need to feel secure, cherished and validated.
For more on the topic, here are the major ways a man can show his love without actually saying it.
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