Falling in love is amazing, at least the falling part is anyway. You still have butterflies in your stomach and lose your appetite when he’s around because everything is just perfect. At this time, compromises in your relationship are easy to make because there are still birds singing in your head and every touch is electric.
But what comes after the initial romance and sparks wear off? How do you handle the fact that your Greek god is merely human? That’s where the real work begins and this part is not for the faint of heart.
However, you need to draw the line between making a compromise and losing yourself in a relationship. Because in the end, no matter how many tingles he gives you and how perfect he is on paper, a bad fit is still a bad fit.
The Gottman Institute released findings from an extensive four-year research on how to compromise in a relationship, and the summary of it was that couples must see compromise as a two-way street.
So how do you make relationship compromises without losing yourself? Here are some tips:
Establish a strong sense of who you are before going into a relationship
Going into a relationship because you’re looking for someone to complete you will almost always lead to you making compromises you shouldn’t make. The fear of losing someone you love usually stems from not feeling worthy of them in the first place. So love yourself and understand that you bring value to the table and they have just as much to lose as you do.
Understand what your deal breakers are and stick to them
Everyone has deal breakers, even those who see grey areas in every situation have something they just can’t stand. Knowing what your deal breakers are and what issues you might be flexible on can help you avoid unhealthy compromises. If you have to make a list to remind yourself what’s a no-go issue, then do that. But giving up your core beliefs and fundamental truths to make a relationship work will ultimately lead to losing yourself.
You’re the most important person to you
Like we said earlier, he has just as much to lose as you so don’t keep bending over because you’re scared of losing him. Your happiness is what matters most. This doesn’t mean you can’t make sacrifices or compromises, it means you should know when it’s too much and your happiness is at stake. That’s when to put your foot down and take a stand.
Communication is key to understanding
Communicating your needs to your partner is very important when trying to find a middle ground in a relationship. Helping them understand why you’ve taken a certain stand on an issue might make it easier for compromises to be made by both parties. This goes both ways, as understanding their reasons for a decision can help make the decision easier to swallow.
Compromises in your relationship have to be made by both of you, or you could end up losing yourself.
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